Responding to Conflict

Message Series on Fellowship

Biblical Fellowship Involves: Close relationships built on mutual interests, and attitude of goodwill, and joint participation in a common cause.

Acts 2:42: The church was devoted to fellowship. The result: People were being saved every day (Acts 2:47).

• • Satan knows the power of a unified church living on mission. He is dedicated to disrupting our fellowship and creating division.

How can we prepare ourselves for Satan’s attacks? By learning to resolve our conflicts in a Christlike way.

• What: Resolve them, not avoid them. 
• How: In a humble, Biblical, Christlike way.

Today: Important principles from Romans 12, a specific example in Philippians 4, and practical application for handing conflict well.

Romans 12:16-21

• Our Goal — Live at peace (harmony) with everyone, Romans 12:16, 18.
• “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you” reminds us that even though we can’t force people to be at peace with us, we have to do everything we can to be at peace with them.

When the Peace is Compromised:

• Don’t repay evil for evil or seek revenge.
• Love your enemies
• Overcome evil with good.
• We have to learn to engage in conflict differently than the world around us.

What’s Your Conflict Style?

Are you assertive or passive? Cooperative or Not so much? You can plot yourself on a “map” using those as the two spectrums.

• Competing — Assertive and non-cooperative. 
• Avoiding — Passive and non-cooperative.
• Collaborating — Asserting and cooperative.
• Accommodating — Passive and cooperative.
• Compromising — In the middle of it all.

Key Point: There isn’t one “right” way to handle conflict, but some produce better results than others, depending on the circumstances.

Application: Pray for the wisdom to know the most Christlike way to handle the conflicts in your life.

The Conflict in Philippians (4:2-3)

• • Two women, Euodia & Syntyche, both love God and have worked hard for the Christian mission. But they are in a conflict serious enough for Paul to address them by name.
  • Paul “pleads” with (begs) the women to be of the same mind. Same mind is the phrase as “Live in harmony” from Romans 12:16.
    • People “pleaded” with Jesus to heal them in the Gospels (e.g. Jairus)
    • The Father of the Prodigal Son “pleads” with his older son to join the celebration.

Some Bible scholars believe this conflict is the main reason that Paul wrote his letter.

Much of what Paul has said previously would directly apply to this church conflict:

• We are citizens of Heaven (3:20-21).
• Forget what is behind, focus on what is ahead in Christ (3:12-14).
• Do everything without arguing (2:14)
• Have the same attitude as Jesus in our relationships (2:1-11)
• Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the Gospel (1:27).

Jesus’ Principles for Resolving Conflict

• Matthew 18:15-17. Address the problematic behavior in private. Bring others in only when necessary. 
• Matthew 5:23-24. Be proactive in reconciling with people you have offended.

Best Practices for Resolving Conflict:

• “Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood.” -Steven Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. See James 1:19-20, Proverbs 18:2, 13 
• Practice the Principle of Charity. Assume the Best About the Other Person’s Words, Actions, Intentions, and Integrity.
• Be a Peacemaker, Not a Drama-Starter. See Matthew 5:9; Psalm 34:14; Proverbs 26:21.

Lastly, remember how much Jesus sacrificed for the unity of the church (Ephesians 2:14-18).

Study & Reflection:

1. Take another look at Matthew 18:15-17. Why do you think Jesus instructs us to go and talk to people privately when we feel they have wronged us? What are the costs associated with “going public” or airing dirty laundry?
2. In what situations would it be appropriate to invite another trusted Christian to help you resolve a conflict from the start?
3. Now read Matthew 7:1-6. How does this verse connect with the overall theme of resolving conflict or confronting sin?
4. Read Proverbs 18:2, 13, and 15. What is the common theme among these verses? How would you summarize that message in your own words?
5. Paul teaches us in Romans 12 to live at peace with everyone. Do you think living at peace is the same as avoiding conflict? Why or why not?
6. Do you think you resonate most with the competing, compromising, avoiding, collaborating, or accommodating conflict style? What are the strengths and weaknesses of your preferred approach?
7. How would you describe the ideal process for resolving a conflict or disagreement with another Christian? What is the ultimate goal? What kinds of words would be best? Body language? Attitude?

Want to know your conflict style? Use this Link to take the Conflict Style Assessment (30 questions): https://www.usip.org/public-education-new/conflict-styles-assessment